Snippets of Life
by Kristen APA
Summary: A set of 100 drabbles/ficlets about Anna and John, set anywhere from Series 1-6 and beyond into their future [1-50 up; S6 spoilers begin in Chapter 2]
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** I found a list of drabble prompts on Tumblr, and I've been working on these since January 2015. A few are old WIPs that I've worked into a drabble instead (the final one in this chapter being the most obvious). Mostly fluff, a lot of introspection, a handful of angst. I wrote this without any S6 spoilers in mind. The drabbles are arranged in order here by DA timeline (and beyond, with some encompassing the whole) but were not written in that order, so I apologize for the disjointedness, and any flow between the drabbles is actually accidental.

There are a two are that set in between S4E5 and S4E6, so a slight trigger warning for "Seeking Solace" and "Broken Pieces".

 **Disclaimer** : I don't own _Downton Abbey._

* * *

 **Introduction**

John knocked on the door, but there was no answer. He was a day early, so course no was waiting for him. He could wait outside but then ne might have to wait awhile for someone to come out and find him. What if he was out there for hours? That would defeat the purpose of him being there early.

Miss O'Brien opened the baize door for them. Anna followed the lady's maid down the stairs, gossiping about the lost heirs. How dreadful for both of them to perish in the icy water. And how bad it must feel for the family. And who would inherit now?

At the base of the stairs, there he was.

"Hello. I've been waiting at the back door. I knocked, but no one came."

"So you pushed in?" That was Miss O'Brien for you, ever the charmer.

He took it in stride. "I'm John Bates, the new valet."

"The new valet?"

This seemed to be the countess' lady's maid, but apparently she didn't want too spare any pleasantries. "That's right," he responded in spite of her.

"You're early." Miss O'Brien was sizing him up, noting that he had a cane. Anna however saw a tall man with kind eyes.

He explained himself. "Came on the milk train, thought I'd use the day to get to know the place, start tonight."

"I'm Anna, the head housemaid." Miss O'Brien did not make the best of first impressions, and Anna thought it extremely unfair to this Mr Bates. She shifted the sheets and candle she was carrying and off him her hand.

Her handshake was firm. "How do you do?"

Little did they know where that handshake would lead.

* * *

 **Love**

It had been the furthest thing from her mind when she met him. She welcomed him as she would any new staff member, not knowing that her subconscious had already latched onto him.

When she brought him the tray she knew that he was a friend – a friend she was said to see go, and a friend she was delighted to see stay.

She gossiped with Gwen about Lady Mary, about the earl's daughter and the Honorable Evelyn Napier. Fleetingly, she wondered what it would be like to be courted. She'd always been happy with her lot, thinking that what happens will happen. But in those fleeting moments, she realized by _whom_ by she wanted to be courted by. She tried not to blush in the candlelight. Gwen didn't need to know.

Looking back now, she's not sure when it turned into love. At least by the time that he brought her a tray, reciprocating her earlier gesture. She remembers how hard her heart pounded in her chest, and the admiration in his eyes. She can't remember if that's when she knew for sure, or if she felt then but neither could form the words to admit it. It would talk that walk to the flower show for that.

* * *

 **Silence**

The candles were burning low now. He watched her, his wife, sleeping peacefully in the silence, a smile on her face. He wished that he could fall off as easily as her, but he still could not believe that they were really married. If he were to sleep, would he wake up from this dream?

He gently moved a section of hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear, careful not to rouse her. He couldn't resist the temptation to stroke her cheek with the back of hand, his knuckles ghosting her skin. He wished that they could live forever in this bubble, where nothing could stand in their way, and nothing could harm her.

He pushed down those thoughts of fleeting despair. They would just have to do their best, together, as husband and wife.

* * *

 **Seeking Solace**

He was unsure if she wanted to share the same bed that first night. He made sure to leave the bedroom when she changed for the night, busying himself with gathering linen from the closet to put on the sofa.

She emerged from their room in her winter nightgown, the collar buttoned up at the top, long sleeves down to her wrists.

"What are you doing with those?" she asked, her voice quiet.

"I thought—" He stopped himself. What he thought was that he was doing the right the thing by her. But he hadn't asked her what _she_ wanted.

There was an awkward pause. He didn't know where to look, afraid she'd avert her gaze like she had most of this past month. His eyes fell to her hands, watching her fingers twists her wedding band.

"Where would you like to sleep?" he finally said, trying to maintain a normal tone, attempting to deliver the question as if it was a mundane comment on the weather.

She started to say something, but stopped. His heart panged, hating what all this had done to her.

"It's up to you. Whatever you are comfortable with."

Her eyes finally met his. "I want you to sleep in bed. Next to me. I don't –" she breathed in sharply. "I don't think I can take another night of waking up alone."

He nodded, shutting the linen closet door. He longed to touch her but was unsure.

"It's all right. In fact," her voice growing more shy than anxious now, "I'd like it if you held me when we sleep. If you want."

He reached out to gently take her hand. She grasped his in return.

"Of course, my darling, I want to very much. As long as you do."

She gave a half smile, but then it faltered. "Sometimes though… I wake up suddenly… and I have nightmares… and…"

"Just tell me what to do, what you need me to do, and I'll do it."

Her eyes were brimming with tears, "Thank you. I know… I know I'll be safe with you by my side."

* * *

 **Broken Pieces**

She had been back a week. They had gently tried to return to some semblance of their old routine, but even that sometimes proved too difficult. She was so frustrated, mostly with herself, wishing that it would just all go away, but she knew that it wouldn't. But what was even tougher was that she could tell he was being overly cautious, and that in and of itself was a reminder of all that had happened.

Something startled her; she couldn't even remember what. The teacup and saucer she was holding hit the ground, pieces of china splintering everywhere. The dam that was holding the tears at bay broke too.

"It's all right, Anna, it's all right," he whispered. He carefully removed what she had already collected from her hands, setting them aside, and slowly encircled her as she buried her head into his chest.

The cup was irreparable, but she was not. They were not. There might have been a seam, a scar, but in time it would bind the pieces back together, in a new variation of wholeness.

* * *

 **67%**

"And then multiply by one hundred…"

"Oh! 67%! Thank you, Mr. Bates!" Daisy said enthusiastically. She then scampered off with her book to go finish her maths problems, leaving the couple alone in the servants' hall.

"Sometimes I do envy her," Anna said, running her needle through the fabric of the hem of Lady Mary's dress.

"In what way?" her husband asked.

"Well, I barely had any schooling. It's a miracle I can even read."

John furrowed his brow. "But you can, and you kept at it even out of school, and now it's one of your favorite pastimes." He smiled now in an attempt to soothe her, but she still looked worried. He sensed more that it just being about Daisy's further studies. "What's brought this on?"

"It just… once we do have the hotel, do I even have the skills to manage it?" She put down her mending and turned in her chair to face him more. "Even as an adult, I took the path of a lady's maid and I don't really have the training for keeping the books like a housekeeper has."

He opened his mouth to speak, but she continued, her voice more quiet now, "And… if we do have a little one, when they go school, will I even been able to help with their sums?"

"Anna, darling." John hated when she put herself down, which was much more of an occurrence now than in the years when they first met. "You are one of the most intelligent women I have ever met. I know that you have the skills to be a wonderful innkeeper and mother. And whatever you don't know now, you will learn quickly, as you always have. I believe in you and know that you are always able to do what you put your mind to." He placed his hand over hers on the table and smiled at her.

It took her a bit, but a smile crept across her face, her eyes meeting his again. "Thank you."

* * *

 **Memory**

They hurried up the steps of Grantham House to the street alongside some of the other senior staff members. Anna wasn't sure why Miss Denker was going; the Dowager's new lady's maid barely knew Lady Rose. Whereas she and John had spent some time with the girl outside of work, including discussions about peppermints, reeling lessons, and dance halls. And Anna got to dress her for her presentation and for the ceremonies today, which she felt quite the privilege.

"What would Miss Denker think if she knew we were married in a registrar's office too?" she said lowly to her husband. "I mean, I didn't wear a veil either."

John chuckled. "If I recall correctly, you wore a very lovely hat."

"And luckily, it wasn't itchy!" She smiled, remembering. "It really was perfect. It would have been wherever it was held. I married you. And that's what's important."

He took his hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I quite agree. And I am grateful for it everyday."

* * *

 **Keeping a Secret**

As a lady's maid, secret keeping was apart of Anna's job description. And over the years, there were many secrets that she had to keep for Lady Mary. Of course, with her husband in the same line of work, and she knew had at the same level of discretion, many things did get repeated to him. Her employer seemed to be aware of this, so for the things she really didn't want known, Anna'd be forbidden to tell even him.

She had her own share of secrets, or at least things that she felt private. Most of them to been to conceal pain, or to avoid inflicting pain on him…

But there had been good secrets too. Such as "The Secret Mrs Bates" as Lady Mary had referred to Anna once, in those three days of no one knowing her and John had wed.

And like that secret, this was one that she couldn't wait to tell either. They had agreed to wait, until Dr Clarkson had given her the all clear at her next appointment, but it was proving hard. John had to clear his throat every time he caught her with her hand on her abdomen at work. She'd probably have it permanently glued there otherwise. This elation was something she had not felt in some time, but now she was so happy she could burst. They'd make the announcement in a few weeks, and then everyone would know what the Bateses were beaming about.

* * *

 **Cat**

They found the cat in the shed across from the cottage. A little black and white thing, and Anna couldn't stand to let it stay outside in the rain. John relented, what harm could it do. It was really adorable, with her quiet little meows and big eyes, and it made him wistful to see Anna doting on the tiny creature.

But soon they learned that some of the perils of cat ownership. Their black work clothes were soon covered in the white fur, and were having to brush each other off every morning and whenever they popped home to check on her. There was also the awkwardness of her jumping on the bed where they were in the midst of more… heated moments.

But the cat also provided great source comfort for Anna, which John was glad for. Even though it had been a few years now, there still were times where she'd grow quiet, or worst yet had nightmares, and their little Kitty was always there beside her, Anna finding petting the cat soothing.

Finally their greatest wish came true, and as the time drew nearer their little one's arrival, John had been worried about how lonely Anna would be since she left service. But he remembered that his wife would have her ever companion.

Who, he thought with a grin and a shake of his head, probably would become obsessed with Anna's yarn for the all the booties she was knitting.

* * *

 **Smile**

It was a fairly brisk day, but the sun was shining, and there was no rain to delay their plans. John watched as Anna pointed to things out the window, their daughter enamored at the moving objects as the bus drove forth to York.

Today was Margaret Elizabeth Bates' first birthday, and they had decided to take her to the zoo to celebrate. They knew that she wouldn't remember this birthday, but they felt like doing something special, especially since they had marked new chapters in their lives. John's plan from long ago had thus far worked out well, with them managing the Grantham Arms and still being able to spent as much time as possible with their daughter. They did sometimes miss working at Downton Abbey, but Mr Carson did not mind them dropping by, as he deemed Margaret a very well behaved baby, and he not so secretly did adore children. His soon to be bride Mrs Hughes would pop in to the Grantham Arms when she was running errands in the village and on her most recent visit insisted that they stop by later today and that Daisy was to bake a cake in Margaret's honor to mark the occasion. Anna had very few living relatives left, and John's cousins were scattered in Scotland and Ireland, so she was moved that she still had her downstairs family.

She also still had Lady Mary, with whom she quite frequently went to tea with in Ripon. It felt almost scandalous to be out with an earl's daughter like they were equals, but Mary called it nonsense, and they passed the time chatting about their children, now that they were both mothers and Mary kept Anna informed of her current "desire" of suitors, which was as of the moment leaning in Mr Talbot's favor, (although Anna thought Mr Napier was also very worthy).

John, however, didn't get to see as much of his lordship, unless they were attending a community event. In most cases, it was short exchanges at church. Their former colleagues had to scamper off quickly after services, but the family could linger. Thus, Robert often would fill in his former valet on the goings on, much to the Dowager's chagrin.

The bus pulled into York, and Margaret turned to face her father as the wheels came to a stop. She had inherited his dark hair, but she has Anna's piercing blue eyes, which looked up at him full of glee.

"We are almost there, dear," he said, giving her a tickle, to which she giggled.

Anna smiled broadly at them, delighted. She always had known he'd dote on a daughter, but it was almost too surreal to believe that this was finally their life, after so much heartbreak and strife. Margaret was a blessing, and being able to move forward and expend their family to three was the best revenge against all that had stood in their way. Even though they could not undo the past, they were happy, and that was ultimately what they needed.

* * *

 **A/N:** I'll have the next chapter up when I finish ten more drabbles (hopefully sooner than later). Thank you for reading, and thanks to those who review!


	2. Chapter 2

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR SERIES 6

 **A/N:** Continuing with my list of prompts, these some are drabbles/ficlets I wrote to fill in some of the gaps in S6E1-S6E8, outlined before S6CS aired. They are arranged in order here by DA timeline, but were not written in that order, so I apologize for the disjointedness. Also there's some angst in here at the beginning, but then it gets into my more classic cheesy fluff. Happy Valentine's Day!

 **Disclaimer** : I don't own _Downton Abbey._

 **Warnings:** References to miscarriage and depression, and very fleeting references to sexual assault.

* * *

 **Sorrow**

She was in the servants' hall when she realized what was happening; a trip to the lavatory confirmed it.

It was at least the second time, if not the third. She hadn't been certain about what she thought was maybe the first. But there was no denying it now. For years she had thought that nothing was wrong, but obviously something was.

And it was her fault.

She was glad that she hadn't gotten his hopes up. But she almost had her own. Really, she felt like she should have not even had any hope herself. But there was a tiny silver that what had happened earlier wasn't what she thought it was. And now she couldn't even call it what it was in her own mind.

She told John that night only because she blurted it out. "And now I'm not." He understood without her spelling it out.

No matter the comfort she felt in his arms, it hurt knowing how badly she had destroyed their dreams.

* * *

 **I Can't**

He tucked her into bed with a hot water bottle clutched against her middle. Perhaps he could persuade her to see Dr Clarkson, but he was just relieved that she had him told this time. She sighed heavily, blinking back tears as she closed her eyes in an attempt to sleep. He pressed a kiss into her temple and stroked her hair. "You try to get some rest, darling."

The book in his hands went unread, his mind running too fast for it to provide him any distraction. He set it on the nightstand and turned off the lamp.

It was a lot to take in. She was certain that their dreams of having a family were over. He admitted to himself that that stung a bit, but he knew that he could deal with it in time. But never seeing her as the mother that she deserved to be…

What hurt the most was knowing how devastated she was. The words "I can't" echoed in his mind. Wrapping his head around that this might be the third time that this had happened was almost too overwhelming. That she had faced these losses and grief alone made his heart ache in ways he had hoped to never feel again. Why did she have to suffer this as well, on top of everything else?

As worse of all, she was afraid that she let him down, once again more worried about him than her. She already blamed herself for some of the incomprehensible horrible things that had happened to her.

He gazed at her outline in the dark, feeling helpless.

* * *

 **Last Hope**

Lady Mary meant well, she truly did. But Anna just didn't see how this was going to work. It was obvious her body was just not meant to carry a child. She was forcing herself to accept that.

The two were quiet on the train, and quiet in the car trip to Harley Street, all of Lady Mary's few comments noncommittal and meaningless.

Anna suddenly remembered as they approached the office that that there would be an exam. Distantly, she recalled having to reassure Mrs Patmore about her eye surgery, not realizing that there would be an operation. But her own situation was different, and she had been too afraid to see doctor since that night…

She pushed the bad thoughts from her mind. This was her last hope, their last chance to have children.

Luckily Dr Ryder was kind, in both examining her and relaying the news. The diagnosis came at somewhat a relief, and that this was a condition she always had. But even greater, there was a simple treatment. It was possible to carry to term. She smiled, a real smile, as happy images flooded her mind: her getting big and round, John cradling a newborn…

In the car ride back to Lady Rosamund's, Lady Mary was in contrast chatty. Finally she asked, "So will you tell him now?"

Anna shrugged. "We'll see. Certain things have to happen first."

"And surely they will." Lady Mary grinned.

John had once said, many years ago, that there was nothing worse than false hope. But this new hope was what let Anna blossom again.

* * *

 **Waiting**

Well, that was quick. She checked the calendar again. Yes, it seemed like she missed her cycle last month. She was tired, but more than normal she didn't know. And she seemed to be spared any morning sickness.

She gave in and told Lady Mary, her employer's excitement contagious. But she scolded herself. Not until it worked. Her ladyship was confident, and Dr Ryder reassuring.

She dared to glance at herself in Lady Grantham's full-length mirror, her eyes on her waistline versus Mrs Hughes' hem. For a split second, she imagined her dress filling out, her belly full with child.

At home in the cottage she noticed John staring as she undressed. She smiled at him, the words almost on her tongue. But she chided herself. _Soon_ , she thought. They had waited so long for so many things, and now it would just a few more weeks. Then they could be excited together.

* * *

 **Give Up**

Lady Mary patted Anna's hand. It had been a few hours since the last sharp pain, and matter what her ladyship said in an offer of comfort, her face betrayed her. She was determined to get her lady's maid and greatest confidant to London to have Dr Ryder see her in time, but she knew that couldn't promise it.

Anna took a deep breath, silently willing her child to stay growing within her. She had tried to be cautious, afraid to be excited for this very reason. She felt horrible lying to John, remembering his forlorn face as they pulled away from the drive, etched with worry. He'd soon learn the outcome, good or bad.

It was strange waking up in a guest room at Lady Rosamund's. Hope had not been lost—nor had the little one. She had been close to giving up, but this hurdle had been crossed, allowing her to drift off again and dream happier thoughts.

* * *

 **Precious Treasure**

His fingers grazed her bare stomach, her nightgown pushed up to just under her bust, the fabric pooling around her. "And you are sure that you feel all right?"

She linked her hand with his. "I feel fine now, I promise."

"It does scare me, you having to rush in the dark of night…" he didn't want to press the issue.

"I'm sorry I kept this from you. But I didn't want to get your hopes up… or mine."

In the comfort of their cottage she had filled him in on everything: her initial visit with Dr Ryder and the diagnosis of her medical condition, the details of the mad dash to London. He was understanding about her secrecy, as much as he wished she had told him earlier. And his pure happiness outweighed anything else.

"Well, at least I know now."

"You were perceptive and guessed most of it anyway." She leaned up and caught his lip with her. Pulling away she said, twinkle in her eye, "That's about as intimate as we can get for the next few weeks, by the way."

He traced small circles on her skin. "I think I can handle that." And of course anything to keep them both healthy and safe.

"I'll admit I'm still a little worried," she said, her voice now laced with concern.

"Let me worry with you." He kissed her brow. "But it is all right to look forward to the future though too."

A smile filled her features again. "It's almost too hard to grasp that it could be finally happening."

"It is surreal, my darling, but it _is_ happening."

She gripped his hand again to reassure herself, pressing it gently where their precious treasure lay below within her.

* * *

 **Fairy Tale**

Anna always thought that if there was one thing she was lucky with, it was that she had true love in her life. She and John had fought against so many odds and she knew that she couldn't have made it through these last few years without his support, and that was something she'd never take for granted.

Today they had a rare day off together. Lady Mary had almost threatened to give her more of these in order to make her lady's maid rest, but Anna insisted that she felt well. She still wanted to be cautious though, even with John shouting "bad harvest" loud enough to wake the neighbors, so they hadn't told everyone yet. She decided she had some time before she was showing too much and no longer fitting in her clothes. At the moment, the bump was barely perceptible, and something only visible in their own home, where she felt safe enough to run her fingers over the growing swell, John's joining hers, and cupping his palm against it.

But for now, their little one was carefully hidden in her coat as they browsed the bookshop at the end of their errands. She was deep in thought about if she wanted to purchase the new Poirot, when John held up a much thinner book.

"How about this one, to read to them?"

She smiled but then said, "I think it's a little too early for that."

"Well, I'll start early, reading it to them now."

She was too overwhelmed with emotion to protest. Soon it became a nightly ritual, intermixed with their typical literature, for him to read out loud, directing his voice to their child within her, caressing her belly. And as he talked about far away lands with mystical creatures and knights and princesses, she couldn't help but think that she had found her own knight, and was ever so grateful for him.

* * *

 **Food**

Anna once joked about looking like she was eating all of the pies, but now she was having the craving to do so and more. She always had a sweet tooth, but her desire to consume cakes and biscuits had compounded.

"You nearly devoured the whole Victoria sponge today at tea," John commented one night as they took their journey home.

"Well, what can I say, it was delicious." She smiled, looking up at him.

He patted her arm that was linked through his. "Mrs Patmore is going to guess what is up, given your appetite."

Anna sucked in her breath. Certainly the cook and Mrs Hughes have gossiped about her expanding waistline, her work dresses no longer fully concealing the rounded swell pressing against the fabric. "I still want to wait just awhile longer. Just to be safe."

Despite her hesitations, eventually the time came to tell everyone and then of course, Mrs Patmore and Daisy always made sure that Anna got the extra helpings and the largest slices of cake.

* * *

 **Safety First**

"Do you think she's right?"

"I don't know. Probably."

"Then there's no more to be said."

Anna sighed. As much as she felt she knew Lady Mary, she was unsure about Mr Talbot and her employer's relationship with him. She freshened up with the water in the basin and then went to finish undressing.

"And you, you're all right? I mean, you did go down and see the crash."

"It was just a car on fire when I got there." She shrugged and pulled her nightgown over her head.

"And the running?"

She laughed and patted her bump, then cradling it. "I'm fine, John. We're fine."

He did one of those smirks to hide his concern. "Well, I worried all the same."

"I certainly don't plan to make a habit of it, I'll assure you that." She began pulling the pins out of her bun, setting them down one by one with click on the nightstand. "Miss Baxter knows though now, by the way. She's guessed, so I confirmed."

John grinned. "Oh!"

"She's happy for us," Anna said, a dreamy smile on her face as she braided her hair. She pulled back the covers and climbed into her little bed. "I wish we could push these together, you are too far away."

"Alas, they are bolted to the floor." He bookmarked his page and flicked off the light, "and don't you dare try to snuggle in this one with me, as that's no way to get the rest that you need!"

It was too dark for him to see the eye roll—albeit paired together with a grin—she gave him.

* * *

 **Happiness**

If you had told Anna Bates at the start of this year how happy she'd be months later, she would not believe you.

She took John's advice to allow herself to have hope, to have some excitement for the future, but as time passed, it wasn't even a conscious effort; it was natural. The fluttering within her had turned into kicks, even her looser dresses became too tight. She had altered her pink overcoat so it would still close, but it was finally time to go buy new clothes. It _was_ happening.

She let him fuss over her—tending to her swollen feet, carrying the suitcases—but not _too_ much. She watched her husband beam with pride when they finally made their announcement to their co-workers.

They laid in bed, their hands linked over her bump, feeling their little one's movements together. Anxious for his arrival – Anna swore it was a boy – but cherishing the moments leading up to it.

After all of the hardships and trauma, Anna and John made it through it all and now lived in bliss, awaiting their greatest, and well deserved, happiness.

* * *

 **A/N:** Well that's it for now! (Canon, gasp!) Baby Bates will appear in future stories here soon. Thank you everyone who has reviewed my latest works! I will hopefully have more up shortly :)


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Finally, here are some more drabbles/ficlets, based on my list of prompts. They are arranged in order here by DA timeline (more or less), but were not written in that order, so I apologize for the disjointedness (which doesn't help when they also vary in style and length whoops). I've dusted off a few long forgotten WIPs and added them in here, so there's a bit of retread from the previous chapter, but parents-to-be Anna and Bates are always fun, right? A few also were written recently without any prompt but too short to be published, but then a word from the list fit so I included them as well.

Happy Valentine's Day!

 **Disclaimer** : I don't own _Downton Abbey._

 **Warnings:** Fleeting references to sexual assault and miscarriage.

* * *

 **Stars**

The courtyard was the best place to get away from things in the servants' hall, but it left him alone with his thoughts. Or so he believed, as he saw her cut through the dark. Her dress blended in her slightly, but her hair and eyes accompanied by the lace shone, the only other light besides that the moon and stars.

She was going to fight his corner, even if she got nothing in return. She'd say that his friendship was enough, even though he was aching to be able to offer her more.

The world might not be listening, but she was.

* * *

 **Hold My Hand**

They had touched.

Not that they hadn't before. They shook hands when they met, she helped dust him off when he'd fallen. They'd brushed against each other accidentally at meals.

But now he had taken her hand in his, and gently caressed her fingers. They had leaned in their faces so close, their lips almost making contact—

Alas. Interrupted.

She had been the one to choose to go, not him. She left before he could, before he could tell her that she deserves better, before he could put himself down again.

Her heart was pounding as she entered the servants' corridor. They'd be no dreaming of anyone else tonight, or ever. Just him.

* * *

 **Innocence**

All eyes turned to her as he had been escorted out of the building. They realized her words, that he wasn't just her fiancé, but now her husband.

She was unsure who had guided her to the sitting room but somehow she was there and she lifted the chain around her neck and slid the ring off it and onto her finger.

.

She tried not to hyperventilate, there at the table, but emotions overwhelmed her and she felt not in control. Not of her breathing, not of her life, certainly not that her husband's. She knew that the others were forming a plan, as she gulped for air but all the ringing in her ears screamed about how could this be done to an innocent man.

.

His lordship tried to hold him back. How was it that this was playing all out again and in reverse? How could this happen, another horrible thing done to his wonderful wife while he remained helpless? He had promised her, and failed. But he knew he could not fail to prove her innocence.

.

He knew that his plan defied logic, but he couldn't figure out a quicker way to get her released. He penned the letters carefully, knowing he could trust Lord Grantham. This would at least abide some time and get her out of the horrid place. He knew just how horrible things could get in there. He had said she was strong, and he believed it, but he also could tell she was already worn down. She did not need this on top of everything. This had to work.

* * *

 **Childhood**

He had been really surprised that Anna had a lot of his mother's items here in Downton. When she had cleaned out the house in London to rent, she shipped up many pieces of furniture and had been graciously allowed to store some in the attics, some in her own room since she no longer had a roommate, and some in the spare one. It gave him a wave of nostalgia, but he was glad of it.

They took a break from decorating, drinking tea from his mother's china. "So that second bedroom…" he started. He had only just gotten back, did he really want to broach this subject so quickly?

She knew where he was going with this. "Well, one day perhaps, we might have a special purpose for it." A slight blushed crept into her cheeks.

He grinned. "Perhaps indeed."

She beamed.

It took time, but in a little over five years, that room did indeed serve a special purpose, rooming their precious son.

* * *

 **Puzzle**

"So what did you tell her?"

"What?"

"Miss O'Brien. What did you whisper in her ear?"

"Anna, somehow I don't think now is the time to discuss that."

They laid tangled in the sheets. Anna propped herself up on her elbow, her hair loose and fanning around her.

"And why not? I don't like it when you keep things to yourself, John." She lightly poked his bare shoulder.

"Let's make sure it worked before I say anything. Then I'll tell you. But for now…" He reached over to caress her face and then pulled her into a kiss.

She resolved to figure it out, but her mind quickly went for the better alternative at the moment.

* * *

 **Two Roads**

Anna made sure to go a back way, just in case she ran into him. She knew that she had to go today to send it, so that it would arrive in the staff's post on the fourteenth. John was more than likely up to something, she could tell, but she wanted to make sure that she gave him the first surprise.

She ducked out and was out sight before John made it to the post office himself. He was somewhat glad that Anna had not been put out about him not offering to accompany her on errands. He couldn't always anyway, but this time he didn't even mention it. But he had his secret mission, in order to insure that this card arrived on Valentine's Day.

* * *

 **Questioning**

John Bates had had enough to do with the police for a lifetime, and now it did not seem like it was over yet.

Anna had been doing so much better, and now she was here on pins and needles again.

That damn Vyner was trying to pin things on her and the déjà vu was becoming too intense.

He knew that she suggested telling the inspector everything because he had brought up the rat poison too late. But with Vera a motive had been clear as day – whereas Anna had never confirmed to them what had happened to her. And he knew she would struggle having to do so regardless.

Planning for the London trip had been exciting, Anna always loving a wedding, but more importantly, checking on his mother's house to see if it was in shape to sale. It had seemed like for once things were aligning and now dread filled is stomach that they were going to be snatched away again.

He watched his wife who was tense even in her sleep, knowing that the anxiety was consuming her. He would make this right, he had to, for her sake.

* * *

 **Can You Hear Me?**

Once Anna had dressed Lady Mary in that "medium smart" dress, she scurried downstairs to Mr Mead's pantry. Lady Rosamund's butler was always very kind to her and John, and upon asking to use his telephone, he left the room and shut the door without Anna even implying she wanted privacy. She smiled as she rang Downton, and waited to be patched through.

She sat down and pressed gently on the slight curve of her abdomen. She was quite possibly the happiest woman ever to have round ligament pain, the soreness in her sides a remainder that baby was safe inside her and her body adjusting to carry it. Her body hadn't ever adjusted before. It was getting harder to remain cautious, as excitement began to overpower her worries.

There was a bit of a fumble as Mr Carson passed the telephone over, Anna wondering if the earpiece had fallen.

"Mr Bates, are you there?"

"Only if this is Mrs Bates," replied her husband almost cheekily.

Anna grinned. "Well, this is she, and she has news on the littlest Bates." Her cheeks began to flush a little red. "Everything is all right and normal."

A sigh of relief came over the line. "Well, that is wonderful to hear."

"It's something that sometimes happens when you're this far along—" she paused and took an emotional breath, "and the body is just adjusting for the baby." Her voice grew quieter, so much so she was unsure at first that John could hear her as she added, "bad harvest, bad harvest."

"Bad harvest indeed. Is this just something that you have to endure…?"

"Oh, it's supposed to pass in time, although probably replaced by other pregnancy maladies like swollen feet and an aching back… but Dr Ryder did give me exercises to do and I can also use a warm towel for some relief. Really, it's more of an annoyance than anything, and one I'd gladly put up with."

"I'd rather wish that you didn't have to put up with any annoyances, but…"

"But such is life." A beat passed. "It's a good thing that we are heading back tomorrow. Turns out that I'm the one doing the missing."

"Well, you aren't the only one, darling."

Even after all the long separations that they had been forced to face, it seemed that the shortest of them were even hard to bear, cherishing so much the time that they had together. Anna longed to be at home, with John's arms around her.

For now she just cradled her growing belly. "So I suppose we bid you goodnight, Baby Bates and I."

Anna could hear the happiness laced him his voice along with the yearning. "Goodnight and I'll see you both tomorrow."

She smiled as she hung up the telephone, looking forward to the next day, and even more so the months to come.

* * *

 **Words**

He watched her get ready, her pulling the dress over her head, the loose fabric ever just slightly snug across the middle. She fixed up her hair, which was ever so slightly tussled, but not much time to put it up again, they only had a small time before they have hop into the wagonette to get the church. She had commented that the first time Lady Mary wed she got herself ready first, but that wasn't how they did things now.

She powdered her nose quickly, dusted a teeny bit of rouge, and dabbed on some gloss. She turned to face him, probably in hopes he had her hat.

But all he could see was how beautiful she was, her glow overwhelming him.

And the first thing he can think to say, lowly and breathlessly was, "Will you marry me?"

She gave him a bemused smile. "I do believe we are already married, silly beggar. For over six years."

"You know, I didn't get to ask you properly the first time. Nor did you get a proper church wedding."

"I think it's a little too late for the white dress," she said, patting the small swell of her stomach.

He took his hands in hers, caressing her fingers and then holding it to his heart.

He did best Reverend Travis impression. "Today we are gathered here to reaffirm the love and marriage between Anna and John Bates."

She gazed up at him, her eyes sparkling. "You have always had a way with words. Even if you proposal was… unconventional."

They shared grins and then she continued. "But actions speak louder than words, and I think you know that you reaffirm our love and marriage everyday." Her voice cracked slightly.

" _We_ do."

"No matter where we are gathered," she said lowly, leaning up as his lips met hers halfway.

* * *

 **Mirror**

It is March 19th. When she wakes up that morning, it's not the first thing that's on her mind, not like the years before, when she'd feel like trying to press herself into her husband's side, as if he'd absorb the bad thoughts; but that's the problem, she couldn't sometimes bring herself to touch him. She remembered last year, which was after her visit with Dr Ryder, and her new hope. John at that point still didn't know, but she had thought to herself, _I hope he doesn't mind if we don't try tonight. We can try tomorrow._

Their son was conceived the next week.

And it's he who fills her thoughts that morning. She nurses him, changes his nappy, and then gets herself ready for work. John's busying himself and they pause to meet their lips in a quick kiss as they scurry about.

It's when she puts on her stockings that she suddenly remembers the date. She shakes it quickly out her mind and pulls her dress over her head. She's already lost the weight from the baby and back to her old dresses, although she does still fill out the bust more. Looking in the mirror she dabs some gloss on her lips. But then she stares. Her fingers trace the light scar by her eye.

Slowly she lets out her breath. _You are John's wife, and Will's mother. You are still here and you are still going. You so much more than what happened to you._

She hears Will babble and John's voice talking to him. She smiles, and she sees that smile in the mirror.

She sees herself.

* * *

 **A/N:** Please do review if you enjoyed, it means a lot to me!


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Some more drabbles/ficlets, based on my list of prompts! Again, they are arranged in order here by DA timeline, but were not written in that order, so I apologize for the disjointedness (plus as always, they vary in style and length).

This chapter is dedicated to JamesLuver for her birthday *hugs* :)

 **Disclaimer** : I do not own _Downton Abbey._

 **Warnings:** References to the emotional trauma from sexual assault.

* * *

 **Annoyance**

"Mr Bates, are you quite all right?"

She knew that he wasn't. Every time he thought he was out of her sight, he was grimacing in pain. His leg was clearly bothering him.

"It's just an annoyance."

"Somehow I don't think that. Thomas and Miss O'Brien are an annoyance and they might be more than that, so this definitely is not."

Her jibe at their colleagues made him smile a bit. "It's just my knee playing up, the usual."

A few days later when she caught him again, she was ready this time. "This is for you," she said, fishing a little oval tin from her apron pocket.

When he took it from her, their fingers grazed for just a moment.

"It's a salve that us housemaids swear by. It might help you." She truly hoped it did.

He grinned, not attempting to suppress it.

* * *

 **Flowers**

It was such a stark difference, the two trays. Gwen was kind enough to think of her, and she would not fault her, but his tray looked so carefully prepared.

He had went out and got her flowers.

The thought had crossed her mind before, but she'd set it aside. Her heart was pounding, wondering if she could label it now, the feeling that were bubbling up.

Surely though with these flowers, he felt the same.

* * *

 **Rejection**

There was never any formal announcement of their engagement, so there was no need for an announcement that it wasn't happening.

But that didn't mean people didn't know.

Sad eyes followed her both downstairs and up. Even his lordship – well of course his lordship, John had told him.

Yes, _John_. She had to admit that was going to be an adjustment, and now he was not even here for her to call him that.

She overheard Miss O'Brien saying something about being _rejected_ – whether or not she was gossiping about her she didn't know, nor want to. But the word stuck with her all evening and as she piled into bed, pulling the blankets up to her chin, she thought to herself, no she wasn't _rejected_ – he left for some noble cause she was sure of it.

Still, it hurt all the same.

* * *

 **Dying**

The war had seemed "over there" and but then it was more in the forefront, not allowing it seem like a tale of a far off land. The soldiers in the house… William… Mr Crawley's spine… this war's pain and destruction had reached their Yorkshire castle and something that couldn't be ignored.

Anna's words about feeling guilty rattled around in John's head. He got scared that he was being to optimistic but after this last battle with Vera, he hoped that things were finally drawing to a close with her. What mattered most to him was Anna's happiness, especially turning this dark time for the country.

His fiancée had always worn her heart on her sleeve and with her empathetic nature, she easily absorbed the emotions of the world around her. She kept up a strong front, but sometimes he'd catch her in the courtyard sniffing back tears.

A week or so after William passed, John met with her there, on the bench. She brightened at seeing him, but clutched at his hands as he settled down next to her. Moisture was brimming in her eyes.

"Sorry," she muttered.

John wasn't even sure what she was apologizing for. "No need." He squeezed her hand.

"I feel terrible and I don't know what to do. My heart is torn with what—with William gone, and… is it wrong I am happy you didn't go?" Her voice dropped lower. "That you can't."

"I don't think it's wrong," he said softly.

Before he could say more, she added, "And I feel guilty that you _have_ lived through that, but that it was before we met and—"

"It's all right." He reached up and brushed away the tear that had slipped down her cheek. He himself at times had felt that perhaps what happened to his leg was a blessing in disguise, for this reason and others. "Truth be told, I'm glad you didn't have to suffer through it. That you don't now."

She smiled weakly.

"And don't feel terrible, your compassion is a credit to you. You are so strong for others; Mrs Patmore, Daisy, even Lady Mary. It's a trait I love and admire. But you don't have stop yourself from feeling any relief. If anything, it shows you don't take things for granted."

"As long as you say so," she said letting out a breath.

"I know so." He caressed her face.

They sat there for a bit before they had to rush off to tend to their employers, but along with his hopes that the war would end, he hoped that Anna knew that there were nothing wrong with her feelings, whatever they were at any time.

* * *

 **Sport**

"You aren't sad that you don't get to play?" Anna nodded to the cricket pitch out the window of the scorekeeper box.

"I suppose that I miss being able to, physically, I mean. I miss having the choice."

She smiled sadly at him, but he shrugged and then offered a smile of his own.

"There's another spectator sport I prefer though." The words harkened back to the garden party, now seeming so long ago, in another, idyllic world.

"What's that?" she said, her smile growing happier.

"Just simply gazing at you."

She blushed, just a little. But how open, and how free they could be now.

John motioned to her to come closer. She stood and breached the gap of only a few steps. He put his arm around her waist and pulled her into his lap.

She burst into giggles. "Mr Bates! I don't believe this appropriate scorekeeping behavior!" she exclaimed with fake admonishment. "How are you supposed to watch the match?"

"They are having a tea break," he replied lowly in her ear, "and we shall have ours."

* * *

 **Grey**

They say that you are blue when you are sad, but everything to Anna seemed instead rather grey.

She wasn't in complete darkness now, not with John knowing. Light had begun to seep in so she wasn't lost in blackness.

She loathed how things still bothered her though. Sometimes she still involuntarily flinched when he touched her, and she felt horrible that he basically had to learn to that now he had to offer his hand versus just taking hers. He had to hold his arms out to indicate he wanted to embrace her. She almost always gladly accepted, but it made her frustrated at herself that he had to make these accommodations.

They'd kissed a few times, but nothing more. They slept in the same bed, and she'd occasionally snuggle, but John always told her that they didn't have to do anything she wasn't ready for.

Sometimes she worried that she wouldn't ever be ready. She knew how gallant John was – he'd wait forever, if need be. But she didn't feel it was fair to him. It wasn't something that they _had_ to do. Their relationship wasn't built on that - they waited before they married, and had unfortunate long separations. But it was something that expressed their deep love for one another in physical ways that transcended everything. An act that was so meaningfully because of how much loved each other.

And she didn't want that taken away from her. From them.

There was another thing, one that crept up whenever she saw Nanny with Master George and Miss Sybbie.

She still wanted children.

Perhaps she didn't deserve them now. John would tell her otherwise. John also told her that they could still wait.

But it wasn't something that they could wait for forever though. Not like she wasn't aging. And even if she was no longer worthy, he still was.

Color did filter through bit by bit though. And they didn't have to wait forever.

* * *

 **Vacation**

Their holidays were always work related, but they always managed to find sometime to have some fun, which John was always glad of.

But he was especially glad of this trip to London. It had been some time since the Crawleys had done the Season, and Lady Rose's presentation had come at a time that really was helpful to Anna.

She had been doing better, more good days than bad, in these past few months. John would often think that perhaps it would help to go somewhere else, to start over, but he also knew that Anna needed the stability of routine to help her anxiety. Plus having both Lady Mary and Mrs Hughes' support, whether or not verbalized, also was beneficiary.

Still, this trip was bringing out—well he'd never want to say "the old Anna." That wasn't sensitive. Trauma changes people, but she still was Anna. Still the woman he fell in love with, still his wife. But now though, she was excited again, and overall more cheerful. He knew that she loved getting the ladies dressed in their fancier clothing and getting their hair just right. She herself didn't need that glitz and glamour, but she took passion in her job.

A London summer was always a lot warmer than a Yorkshire one, and Anna had chosen to buy a new top for work with sheer sleeves. Perhaps too daring for a lady's maid, but Mr Carson was so busy with prepping with all the parties and balls and he took no notice and had no complaints. To John though, he not only found it attractive as her husband, but also realized that she felt better enough to wear something that some might consider a little racy.

But then there was the incident with the coat. He didn't want to break this reverie for her, and tell her exactly why he wanted to go through the pockets before she donated it. They had gone weeks without any mention of the horrible night, without it looming over their heads. And now here they were, with true free time on the beach. But it also wasn't any good to make her feel guilty about something that wasn't her fault. There was enough of that, entirely too much.

Anna came back, and thankfully had also bought herself an ice cream as she handed him his penny lick.

"Be careful, it's already melting," she said with a giggle, peering up from beneath her straw hat.

She gave him a radiant smile, as bright as the sun, and he knew that she was defeating the shadows, day by day.

* * *

 **Danger Ahead**

She pressed herself against him, his solid form grounding her to the here and now. After too many nights of sleeping alone, she never wanted to let him go.

If there was still danger ahead they chose not to dwell on it for now, basking in the warm glow of their love. His hand reached up to stroke her head, content just stay in this moment for now. The world shut off around them. He had promised to answer her questions in the morning, just wanting now just to be. A feeling that he had wanted for so long, mostly for her if not himself. Why was the universe so cruel to such a lovely and wonderful creature? He couldn't fathom it.

He shook those thoughts from his head now though. They were together again, and that's what mattered.

* * *

 **Illusion**

Anna handed the towel back to John, now cooled. Before she had a chance to pull her nightgown down, he placed his other palm against the curve of abdomen. She threaded her fingers through his, and she smiled up at him.

"Good idea asking to sit during the tour," he said gently. Anna often pushed herself to her limits, and he was glad that she, without prompting, suggested she take it easy. "I think Mrs Hughes is catching on, by the way."

Anna sighed a little. "Well, she was giving me a look in the kitchen the other day."

The swell was already beginning to strain at the fabric of her work dresses, although it was not entirely obvious yet. Or so she had thought.

"Maybe she just thinks it's an illusion."

"I doubt it," he said with a chuckle.

"I do want to tell people, I just want to wait a little while longer…" Her expression showed her conflicting emotions, of wanting to be happy, but also afraid to indulge into that happiness.

"I know, darling, I know." He pressed a kiss into her temple, knowing that while it still seem surreal at times even for them, it was indeed happening.

* * *

 **Creation**

The newborn in her arms was their creation.

Ten fingers, ten toes. Two blue eyes peered up at her. Already some fuzzy hair dusting his head. Long legs – surely a sign that he'd inherited his father's height.

Overall, he was prefect.

But of course he was, because he was theirs.

So many things had brought to them this moment: some wonderful and joyous, and some horrible and heinous. But in the end, it was all those events, whether they be the choices they made, or tribulations completely out of their control, it all lead them to this.

Their son.

The heartbreaks of the past could not be erased, but they moved forward on their path together, where only happiness was seen on the horizon.

* * *

 **A/N:** Thank you for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** Some more drabbles/ficlets, based on my list of prompts! Again, they are arranged in order here by DA timeline, but were not written in that order, so I apologize for the disjointedness (plus as always, they vary in style and length, etc., etc.). I'm also getting down to some of the trickier words so these might be a little weirder lol.

Special thanks to those who have reviewed so far!

 **Disclaimer** : I do not own _Downton Abbey._

 **Warnings:** Super fleeting references to the emotional trauma from sexual assault.

* * *

 **Mischief Managed**

 _"_ _You naughty girl."_

The phrase rattled around in her head for bit. Perhaps it was the thrill of getting even with Thomas and O'Brien, but perhaps it was also down to _who_ she was hatching this plan with.

She couldn't place a label on her feelings but her heart was quickening all the same.

He returned with a twinkle in his eye, letting her know he had carried out the mission.

She tried to remain composed, knowing that she'd have to remind Mr Carson to ask about the missing snuff box in a bit.

But oh how she'd love to see that eye-twinkle of Mr Bates' everyday, and only for her.

* * *

 **Drowning**

He'd let himself give in for once, swept away by emotions, letting the glimmer of hope take over. The glimmer rested on someone he didn't trust at all, but if she could grant him this one thing finally, then he could be with his true love.

It all seemed so soppy and he hadn't really meant for it to be a proposal, more of a promise of one. But it didn't matter. Anna accepted him—and not just his non-proposal—but who he really was. He didn't deserve her, but she chose him.

The tears that had formed in her eyes had confused him at first, but he felt it as much as her. To verbalize their hopes and dreams for the future was the happiest he had been. The fantasies of being married and having a family had a chance of becoming reality.

Ethel's arrival in the servants' hall had caused an abrupt end to the conversation, but not to the feelings that poured out. Anna reached out her hand to give his a quick squeeze as she tried to recompose her face, but still feeling drowned in love.

* * *

 **Seeing Red**

Anna didn't tend to get angry. She'd get upset, she'd get snarky sometimes, but not full out angry.

But Vera, Vera made her angry.

She knew that Mr Bates felt guilty about how he'd handled his relationship with his first wife – well his wife, they weren't divorced yet – but Anna also knew that Vera played her own part in it.

Her dislike of Vera wasn't just because wasn't just because she stood in the way of her own happiness, but of her fiancé's.

"Why did she have to come here now, and with everything with William, it's as if she knew," Anna seethed.

"She always has impeccable timing." He let out a long sigh. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," she replied, her voice becoming calmer. He gave her a look of disbelief. "Whatever you say, it's not. She's the one who chose to come here today. Apparently she wants to complicate her own life."

She gave him a squeeze of her hand and went off as someone called her name in the distance.

* * *

 **Pen and Paper**

It was always a conflicting emotion. She was excited to see her husband, but it tore her heart in two about where she had to see him.

The gate squealed open, the crowd of visitors herded in like cattle. The warder ticked off names on a clipboard as they crossed over the threshold.

It was the usual man, who had learned her name already and always just nodded her through. But this time he held up a hand to stop her.

"Anna Bates to see John Bates," she said. _Had the warder forgotten her?_

"That prisoner is to receive no visitors," the warder replied indifferently.

" _That prisoner_ " made her blood boil but then she was also hit with a wave of worry. "There must be some sort of mistake. I'm his wife—"

"No visitors means _no_ visitors ma'am, don't care if you're the Queen of England." He waved the next person through.

She thought about waiting there, maybe eventually they'd take pity on her. She thought about ringing Mr Murray, but typically she went through Lord Grantham to contact the solicitor.

She decided to write John a letter.

Perhaps he had gotten into trouble. She knew that he'd keep his head down, but she also knew that certain things could provoke him.

But perhaps… he was trying to set her free.

His gallantry once again.

She didn't receive any responses, but she kept on writing. They didn't get returned to her so that meant something she supposed. Mrs Hughes assured her they had to be some reason.

Then a huge pile of letters arrived for her and the dread was lifted.

* * *

 **Foreign**

"There," John said, standing back to admire his handiwork.

Anna looked up from her flowers she was arranging on one of the credenzas. Her husband had been working on fixing up the old sofa Mrs Bow had left, that they managed to break within the first few minutes of having their own home.

He sat down, holding out his hands for her to come join him. She took them and he pulled her into his lap, balancing her on his good leg.

"So did I fix it?"

As she wrapped her arms around his shoulder, the sofa creaked, threatening another collapse, but it still held.

" _Je ne sais pas_ ," Anna answered.

"Since when did you speak another language?" John teased.

"Since I spent a month in France with Lady Mary and Mr Matthew. Only they were spending it with each other and I was left to do other things."

"Like learning French?"

"Well, truth be told, I learnt a few phrases before we went just to get by. But they were important for what I did do."

"Ordering frog legs?"

"No, you silly beggar, buying things," she replied with a mischievous giggle.

Knowing what that meant, he slid his hand under her skirt and up her thigh, fingers meeting the frill of the garter's lace.

Her mouth met with his and he grinned into the kiss, breaking apart to say, "I do think we ought to make good use of your purchase, _mon amour_."

* * *

 **Playing the Melody**

John first learned that Anna could sing at his first Christmas at Downton, her voice accompanying William Mason's piano playing at the staff luncheon. While they all joined in for most of the carols, she had been the one singled out to sing a solo. Her rendition of "O Holy Night" was clear and sweet, much like herself.

It was a talent that she often did not share with others. But Anna did enjoy music, humming a tune here and there. John didn't really get to hear her sing more though until they were married, occasionally filling the cottage with folk songs as she dusted or maybe a song from a musical in the bathtub.

So much of their lives changed with the events of what was usually only referred to as _that night._ When Lady Rose invited the jazz band to play a few months later, John had been worried that it might stress his wife further. Anna stood in the doorframe of the servants' hall, where she could hear the music, but still be close to John. She couldn't bring herself to join the others in the stairwell, but she turned to her husband, still seated at the table, and gave him a small smile. She was working on it, but this wouldn't be taken from her either.

The years would pass, but eventually her talents were put to the best use; singing lullabies to her son.

* * *

 **Starvation**

She's been here before, her hand gliding to have come contact with him to make sure that he was real, that he was really there with her. She never wanted to let go, afraid that he might be taken again from her. She was starved for touch, but he was also her anchor.

She breathed in his scent, tasted his lips, heard his sweet murmurs, his reassurances that he wasn't going away again. Their eyes met, full of love, belonging, and a true of sense home.

* * *

 **Rainbow**

Neither Anna nor John were one much for rain. Anna didn't like everything getting wet as they traipsed back and forth to work from the cottage, and John didn't like how it got the end of his stick muddy and how it stuck more into the ground making it harder to use. She did like snow though, to which she claimed was because it was pretty. Rain lacked that aesthetic quality for her.

A major storm had blown throw a in early May, as the house prepared for the Carsons' wedding. Anna's good mood from her trip with Lady Mary to London weeks prior remained throughout regardless, and perhaps the upcoming nuptials also contributed to her bouncy state. Whatever it was, John was glad of it. Anna deserved no more tragedy in her life, and it was the most cheerful she'd been in quite some time.

The ground was still damp as they headed off to work on day, but the clouds were parting.

"Look! A rainbow!" she pointed with glee.

He chuckled with a smile as she turned back to look at him.

"That's the good thing about storms," she said, "they don't last forever."

* * *

 **Drive**

"I hope that Lady Mary really is all right with going to this," Anna said, examining her hat as she put it into the round box.

"They just drive around a track," John commented, folding his trousers to put into the open suitcase on the bed.

"But yet you'll find that exciting?" she said teasingly.

He grinned. "I will with you beside me." He leaned down and gave her a quick peck on the lips and she giggled a bit.

She turned back to the wardrobe and took out her dusty-pink colored coat. She knew that she could still fit into her cream-colored blouse and matching skirt, but she hadn't tried the coat on in awhile. All it had was the one button but…

"Hmm."

John glanced up and saw that his wife had put the coat on and was examining herself in their full-length mirror. "What's wrong?"

"This doesn't quite lay right anymore." She turned more to look at her profile and wrinkled her nose at that angle as well. The coat's button sat above the growing swell of her abdomen, their unborn child now beginning to make itself known through her clothing. It caused the edges of the fabric not to meet, but rather to fan out around the new roundness of her figure, and thus the coat did not close.

He chuckled and crossed the room a few steps to her. "I think we know the reason for that."

"We do indeed." Anna's hands instinctively went to her stomach, the cradling motion pushing down on the looser fabric underneath the swell and making the small bump more prominent. "It's just that is my lightest coat and we're going to London, and I want to look smart."

"You look perfectly smart to me." He took the sides of the coat and ran his hands down the edges as if he was adjusting his lordship's suit jacket, but then he reached her belly, stopping to cup it and gently stroke it with his thumb.

She smiled at this, pride and joy beginning to bubble up, no matter how cautious she tried to be. She leaned upward and gave him a quick kiss, and briefly took his hands in hers. "I have an idea now!"

He looked confused, but followed her as she went down to their sitting room.

"It's just too high, the button that is. I just need to move it down." She grabbed her sewing box and went to work, her skills as a lady's maid allowing her to deftly remove the button and place it inches down the front.

"There," she said, proud of her handiwork, modeling it for John. The button now sat underneath the apex of the slope of where their child was steadily growing. And the coat did close. More or less. To John, the change in his wife's figure was still obvious, but perhaps she still could hide their precious secret from others a little while longer.

Eventually, Anna did have to cave and order maternity dresses. She first had to purchase a loose enough dress for Lady Mary's wedding to Mr Talbot, and it was then that she finally ordered ones for work, black dresses appropriate for a lady's maid of this sort not being in any line of ready-wear that she could find. The seamstress did not look at her oddly but rather gave her a happy smile, a boost to Anna's confidence.

The first time she put one on it was an overwhelming feeling; she was wearing something made for someone in her condition. It still was almost surreal that she was even in this _condition_. And the dresses were a symbol of what awaited in the future. The inky material was smooth under her fingers as she ran her hand down her belly, knowing that soon that the movements inside her would be kicks, and that in a matter of months, her dream of being mother would finally become true.

* * *

 **Out Cold**

"Happy Valentine's Day," John whispered with a smile as he entered their bedroom.

It had indeed been a happy, albeit rather quiet, one, spent in with their darling newborn son.

Anna turned from the bassinet and smiled.

"You know," she said, her fingers playing upon her husband's tie, "this is the date that the doctor said that we can resume more… intimate activities."

"Is it really now?" He grinned, his hands now on his wife.

"I thought that it was rather auspicious. And he's," she inclined her head to their son in his cot, "sleeping hard, so…"

Their lips met and the kiss quickly deepened.

But as if on cue, Will stirred and became to whimper. Anna and John broke apart, and she giggled.

"Always vying for attention when Mummy and Daddy kiss," Anna tsked, although her voice only showed affection as she scooped up the baby. "He's starting to form a habit with this, isn't he?"

* * *

 **A/N** : "Rainbow" may or may not be inspired by the UK's Eurovision song for this year haha.

Thank you for reading!


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